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Nader's Nest

nurikohimeFeb. 24th, 2005 04:05 pm

"If I had teeth, I'd be rejoicing, I'm sure," Hedwig hooted back. "Still, Ralphie, I wish we had time to spend for quality time. Every date you take me on involves rabid twenty-and-thirty-somethings with long hair and Greenpeace signs."

Hedwig fluttered around the room, secretly trying to scope out edible food that Peter Miguel Camejo occasionally left lying around. She spotted a non-organic banana and told herself as soon as Ralphie wasn't looking, that she would swoop down and take it.

"Harry's got exams next week, I don't think he'll be bothering me. Let's go to Yosemite, and hand out Ralph Nader '08 stickers to innocent families camping out in gas-guzzling trailers."

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sparklychibiFeb. 21st, 2005 05:15 pm (It's short because I'm tired, mmkay?)

Ralph thought about this. She was right. He had to get his mind off the elections. And who better to distract him than his lovely goddess of white-feathered bliss?

"Oh, Hedwig!" Ralph gushed. "Would you help me in my search for the perfect way to prevent toothbrush-related accidents? I can see it now! Public service announcements booming 'Brush your teeth before you leave the house! Not during!' What do you think?"

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nurikohimeDec. 23rd, 2004 08:48 am

Knowing that the inevitable had come again, Hedwig swiftly flew to the headquarters, knowing her man would have a heavy heart.

"Hoot hoot," she said in an upbeat yet slightly seductive manner. It meant, "It was really close this year. I heard you got one percent in a lot of states."

But Hedwig knew these words were just wimp baby bandages on the wound deepened by the passing of lost elections.

"Hoot hoot hoot coo! Hoot hoot hooty hoot." Hedwig said. "You know, toothbrush related accidents are increasing. People are brushing while running and driving without precautions! Let's be activists for the safety of the dentally hygenic person! ...Or we could just go to a romantic, uninhabited, completely environmentally friendly island for holiday. Harry will never notice."

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sparklychibiDec. 22nd, 2004 11:32 pm

However, the election came and passed, and indeed Ralph got not one electoral vote.

He was in utter shame. Peter Miguel Camejo had spit in his face, then gone off laughing bitterly and telling his empty can of Coke that he'd always known it was hopeless, the staplers had been against it from the start. He had thought of demanding a recount, but really, what was the point? The American people obviously preferred an oil-drilling Texan cowboy to someone who was actually going to save the frigging environment for once. Typical! Maybe he should try a different country. One with some common sense.

He sighed and began to tear down his Nader/Camejo '04 posters.

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nurikohimeNov. 1st, 2004 04:50 pm

"Hoot chirp squeak hoot hoot," Hedwig replied, which meant, "Peter should really get a girlfriend. I think Pigwidgeon's available. When she's not sexing up the Hogwarts messinger owls."

She reluctantly took another nibble of owl treat. God, what she'd do for artificial flavoring! Maybe the campaign manager would slip her a corn starch one if she could find him in time...

"Hoot hoot hooty! I think you'll win for sure this time. I think the air is getting a little cleaner already in anticipation. Besides, ninth time's the charm!"

If the three stooges could save the world every school year, Ralphie could get a *few* electoral votes, Hedwig thought.

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sparklychibiNov. 1st, 2004 04:44 pm

Ralph heard the familiar hoot outside his window. Hedwig! He rushed to open it, and she flew in, affectionately brushing one wing across his face. He opened a tin of the enviroment-friendly owl treats he knew she loved so much and put one down on his desk. Sure enough, she began to nibble at it. She always ate them slowly. He could tell she was savoring the taste; he understood her more than he understood himself, sometimes.

After a few moments of eating, she flew to his shoulder and pecked his cheek gently. He petted the feathers of her neck, glad she was here.

“Hedwig,” he sighed, “the election. It’s so soon. And I think... I think Peter Miguel Camejo has given up hope.”

Well, more than that. He sort of knew that Peter Miguel Camejo had given up hope, because he now rolled his eyes whenever Ralph opened his mouth and yelled "It's useless! We're just going to lose!" Peter Miguel Camejo had also given up sanity, as was evidenced by his furious demands that Ralph call him “Peter Miguel Camejo” and not just “Pete”.

Ralph had picked up Owl when he was living in the forest. It had been his mission to hug a tree every day for a year, and see if the forest’s aura grew healthier. During the night, as he listened to the owls in the trees, he had slowly learned their language. He never thought it could possibly be this useful to him.

"I love you, Hedwig” he said in it now.

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nurikohimeOct. 28th, 2004 04:34 pm

Hedwig quietly sneaked out of the Hogwarts owelry, praying that Harry wouldn't notice. Not that she was relying on him being particularly *bright*, but still, he was an angry little critter these days, and who knew when his next explosion would be? Ah well, Hedwig thought, a break from those lipstick-kissed letters for Draco will be well-appreciated; the mango-banana smell is disgusting.

As she soared through the sky and observed the trees, however, she began to think gaily of her secret lover. It was true that Ralphie only fed her biodegradable, organic, partial tofu owl treats that tasted awful despite their morals, and that he kept this delusion in his mind that he'd get 270 electoral college votes from the 50 states of the USA who didn't care a pigeon's tailfeather about his world-saving environmental policy...but still, he was loving, he was tender, and he cared about her more than that lightning-scarred twit in Scotland who "owned" her.

She glided toward the opened window of the Nader headquarters, seeing her baby Ralphie hard at work. She carefully perched on the ledge and hooted cheerfully with a hint of seduction.

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sparklychibiOct. 27th, 2004 03:48 pm

Ralph Nader sat alone in his office doing nothing. He had told everyone that he would be taking it slow today. He had said that the stress of the upcoming election was getting to be too much for him, that he needed time to relax, but really he just needed to sit and think about her.

Ralph loved her. He knew he was the laughingstock of the country, but when he was with her it seemed as though his cause was just and noble, and he could not possibly fail. When he told her of his ambitions to win the presidency and single-handedly save the environment, she hooted appreciatively, her eyes shining, and he knew she was saying she supported and admired him.

No one else thought of him that way. Even those working on his campaign saw it as community service for their karma, the Green party being less corrupt than the Democrats or—he shuddered to think the name—the Republicans. They didn’t really believe in him like she did.

He desperately hoped she’d come soon. The election was in seven days, and when he lost he needed to be able to bury himself in her snowy wings.

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sparklychibiOct. 26th, 2004 08:54 pm

What is Nader's Nest, you ask? Nader's Nest is a Harry Potter-real world crossover RPG. It contains two characters: Ralph Nader (sparklychibi) and Hedwig (nurikohime).

As a couple.

Why, you ask? Well, the answer is simple: because nurikohime needs therapy because we can! Admit it, you're intrigued. You want to friend nadersnest. Don't worry, the strange attraction to Nader/Hedwig is perfectly normal. Don't fight it! Give in! We love audiences!

Just don't feed the Green party supporters—they'll take it as encouragement.

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